Dan Van Ommen: Empty chairs at empty tables
At some point in our lives, we’re going to suffer loss. Maybe we need to fill a void in our life by inviting a new friend to fill a chair around our table.
“Les Mis’erables,” colloquially known as “Les Mis” or “Les Miz,” is a long-standing musical. It is, in fact, the longest-running in the world after the off-Broadway run of “The Fantasticks.” “Les Miz” tells a story of broken dreams, unrequited love, passion, sacrifice and redemption. It includes many memorable songs, including: “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables.”
We find that song being sung after a failed student revolution in Paris. After the battle, there is a lone survivor, Marius. All his fellow students, his revolutionary friends, have died. And with them their hopes for a brighter future. It is in this setting that Marius sings “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables”:
“From the table in the corner
They could see a world reborn
And they rose with voices ringing
And I can hear them now.”
Grief changes us; as much as we want to “get back to normal,” we do not really return to normal; and that’s OK. For what is normal? Our lives are changing all the time. Every experience challenges us, whenever we meet someone new, lose someone near, every time we care for a loved one or a friend. Why would we think grief would be any different?
Grief does not disappear overnight and it certainly doesn’t dissipate within three to five days that some companies give their employees for bereavement time. Just filling out the paperwork can take a couple of weeks or more.
Instead of trying to put all of the pieces back together in record time; maybe we could let the emptiness that grief causes be like a pastor friend mine said: “Hugging a friend, and holding on for a while, until there are no more tears left.” Thankfully, our Lord hears our cries and provides us with the strength to work through our grief. Allow me to share a couple of ideas that may be beneficial.
First, move closer to God by praying a prayer (or many prayers) of lament. Prayers of lament are found throughout the Old Testament book of Psalms. King David, writer of many of the Psalms, said in Psalm 22:1: “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me, why are thou so far from helping me ...?” I invite you to read through the Psalms and note the lament (s) of David.
Lament prayers are prayers of dependence and hope; loss and restoration. King David truly lost hope and prayed for God to rescue him from his enemies. He also suffered loss in the death of his son Absalom.
Most of us realize that the memory of a loved one or friend really never goes away; nor should it. It may go to the back of our mind, land in our subconscious, or just dim as we grow older. But, from time to time, it will present itself when we least expect it. At this point I believe it’s OK to” complain” to God; lament about how you feel and call out as the psalmist does, “I am lonely and afflicted.”
Second, on occasion, we find ourselves grief-stricken and lonely because of a recent loss. The New Testament account of Jesus dying on the cross and at the same time delivering compassionate, practical, living instructions to two people he loved, is a good example. Jesus sees his mother and his “beloved” disciple friend standing near the cross. Jesus knows there will an empty place in their lives when he takes his last earthly breath. “When Jesus therefore saw his mother and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, ‘Women, behold thy son.’ Then saith he to the disciple, ‘Behold thy mother.’ And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home.” (John 19: 26,27)
I like to think of that command as an invitation to fill a vacant seat at the table. The Savior’s act sets an example of tender compassion. He united together two people who he loved and who loved him.
At some point in our lives, we’re going to suffer loss. All hopes and dreams that we have with loved ones and friends disappear. It may be at the moment we should not be afraid to sing or pray a lament to our Lord. Or, maybe we need to fill a void in our life by inviting a new friend to fill a chair around our table.
“There'll be no empty chairs in heaven
They'll be filled with the ones we hold dear
Familiar faces all in their places
No more parting when we meet up there.”
— Dan Van Ommen is a Zeeland resident and a member of the Reformed Church in America. Contact him at dan.vanommen@gmail.com.
Well said.